About
Survival after trauma and (complex) post-traumatic stress disorder can be debilitating and rob us of a life filled with love, happiness, and joy. Unhealthy survivorship sucks. Constantly being triggered sucks. Any addiction, or other forms of numbing or self-harm can literally kill us. Our own inner critic, or our imposter syndrome, can be harsh and break us down even more. Sometimes the things we say to ourselves hurt more than anything anyone else could say to us. Characteristics of our F-type(s) - fight, flight, freeze or fawn – can make us unrelatable, or difficult for others to understand us, and that can cause us to be in relationships that are unhealthy and unfulfilling. Sometimes we are drawn to other traumatized individuals, and if they are living with unhealthy survival mechanisms themselves, that can make the relationship challenging. Living with abusive or co-dependent relationships perpetuates the trauma and can leave us feeling emotionally neglected. We might be alone and/or feel lonely.
If we don’t heal, we are in danger. We may or may not be in danger of losing our life, but we are in danger of losing ourselves. And we’re in danger of never loving, of never being happy, of never having joy. The good news is that we all can HEAL!
I’m one of you. I am a survivor. For 45 years I lived with my unhealthy survival mechanisms behind a wall that I built to protect myself from trauma, abuse and sustained emotional neglect. I lost myself behind that wall and became emotionless and unable to authentically connect with people. I was not alone, but I was lonely. Eventually, I felt unloved, unlovable, and unable to love.
By grace, I was given the chance to heal. I am a natural problem-solver, and I am highly adaptable to change and seek transformation (I am Scorpio Rising, and dragonfly is my spirit animal). So, when I had a life-altering event happen, one that opened my eyes to the trauma and emotional neglect that I have survived, I stepped into my brave and seized the
opportunity to heal. The problem-solver in me said, “this is a real problem; it’s BS and I don’t have to live like this!” My Scorpio Rising, dragonfly spirit said, “let’s do whatever we have to, as fast as we can, to solve this problem!”
My healing journey has been focused and intentional as I’ve taken every step on my path as it has presented itself to me, the Universe guiding me. I began with trauma therapy, using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and other modalities to process my negative emotions and negative “I” statements. I’m still in therapy; I may always be. I process my thoughts and emotions on my own – while running (similar rhythmic process as in EMDR), while journaling, in meditation and being outside in nature. I talk to my support system, people who I trust and who I know care about me (now I know they love me). I joined and participated actively in TALK Hong Kong, a support group for women/femme survivors of sexual abuse. Joining TALK gave me the opportunity to do advocacy work in Hong Kong. I’m working hard to reclaim important relationships with family and
friends, relationships that I had lost by my own actions and inactions.
Now I am sharing my lived experience publicly with others in hopes of helping someone, even just one person, to heal. This work began with writing my story in the book Step Into Your Brave where you can read more about my healing journey.
The truth is that I had been trying to heal for many years before I was ready to heal. I do believe that you must be ready, maybe some people call it hitting rock-bottom, or you may not be able to do it. It’s painful, you’re an emotional wreck, unsure of what’s going on, unsure of who you are, sometimes you relive the trauma, sometimes you’re terrified. And for these reasons, sometimes you can’t do the work.
But, if you’re ready and you can find the path that works for you, the outcome is wonderful! Despite my personal challenges, I have achieved professional success as an internationally recognized executive who advises my clients through crisis and transformation. Mainly helping companies to investigate fraud and corruption and implement fraud risk management and anti-corruption compliance programs so that they can lessen their chances of being victimized again. My work is about seeking truth and, in a way, helping organizations to heal and recover from what caused the problem. My personal life now, finally, parallels my work life. Helping people to seek their truth and heal. Bringing light to darkness.
Home? Where is home? Today home is where my heart is. For most of my life, I had no concept of “home” in the sense of where I’m from, or where my roots are. I stumbled over the answer to that question – where are you from? or where is home? – for years. That’s because I’m not really from anywhere, except where I am in the moment, where my heart is.
I was born in Garland, Texas, to parents who are multi-generational Texans (which, by the way, turns out to be really important when you live in Texas. Who knew?!). My parents moved us to Dubai when I was 5 and I completed my childhood education outside of the United States. Dubai, Singapore, and two cities in Indonesia, Balikpapan and Jakarta, where I graduated from high school. My sister was born in Singapore. I came back to Texas (culture shock!!!) for university and stayed for the next 20+ years, living and working. I moved to Denver in 2014, and then moved to Hong Kong (Asia, the region of the world that I love most) in 2016. I moved back to Texas at the end of 2021, and it is clear to me that I am back here to do the work that I am meant to do, for me, and for others who will be inspired (I hope) by my lived experience.
I Am Scorpio Rising.
My work with TALK Hong Kong
TALK Hong Kong is a peer led support group in Hong Kong for women/femme survivors of sexual abuse. I was blessed to find TALK about three weeks after the life altering event that began the intense part of my healing journey. TALK had only existed for about a year by then, thanks to the founder, my dear friend, who saw the gap in Hong Kong for English-language support for women/femme survivors of sexual abuse and did something about it. Taura Edgar is an inspiring woman who stepped into her brave.
TALK is so named because survivors need to talk about what has happened to us. It’s part of therapy and healing. But we need a safe place to do that, with people who have been through similar experiences and who won’t judge us. That’s why TALK exists.
TALK is doing a lot more than that, though. As a member of TALK’s Advisory Network, I have had the opportunity to work on two advocacy projects, both of which I am very proud of. In the first project, we had the opportunity to provide survivor viewpoint commentary on proposed revisions to Hong Kong’s sentencing guidelines for sexual crimes. Legislative reform in Hong Kong is a long process – maybe it is everywhere – so we don’t know the impact that we had. Maybe we never will. But, to participate in the advocacy process to try and have some impact in the world was very satisfying for me. And this is where I wrote my first quasi-public story in a “victim impact statement” about my own experience as a survivor.
With respect to child sexual abuse, the second project is by far more meaningful. And deeply meaningful to me. In July 2022, TALK issued a report on the “Magnitude of Child Sexual Abuse in Hong Kong: A Review of Evidence 2010 – 2021”. We studied what is and is not known about child sexual abuse in Hong Kong, using data available from various government agencies and NGOs, and compared the data to estimates of child sexual abuse in other parts of the world. Our conclusion was two-fold. First, the magnitude of child sexual abuse in Hong Kong is not known, and it is likely severely under-reported. Second, there is a lot of opportunity to improve and align statistical reporting across agencies and NGOs and along the continuum from occurrence of an event all the way through to recidivism by a perpetrator, when that occurs. Having the data about the reality of what’s occurring is so important to ensure that both victims and perpetrators receive the help that they need. And, in general, the public in Hong Kong needs to be more aware of the reality of what’s happening to its children for purposes of prevention.
The world needs this same awareness to prevent child sexual abuse. You can read our report by clicking here.